Holiday Etiquette: 4 Tips to Help You Navigate the Season

December 01, 2015

‘Tis the season for office parties, gift exchanges, and navigating your extended family’s complicated dynamics. Whether you’re a host or an invitee, a gift giver or a recipient, there are a number of codes that govern what it means to be gracious during the holidays.

For instance, is it okay to re-gift that Keurig coffeemaker? What should you wear to the company holiday party? And how do you politely accept that heinous blouse your grandmother gave you (the one that looks like it came from the Dynasty costume closet)?

To help us navigate these tricky topics, we called in the big guns. Below, we consult Daniel Post Senning, the great-great-grandson of manners expert Emily Post and the co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th Edition, and Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, the founder and president of the Etiquette School of New York.

1. The art of re-gifting.

According to Ms. Napier-Fitzpatrick, re-gifting became part of the holidays when Jerry Seinfeld coined the term. Today, more than half of adults surveyed by Money Management International find re-gifting acceptable.

Most etiquette experts agree that you can re-gift, but only if you do it tactfully. “Re-gifting was a debate within the family for years, and there were sides,” says Mr. Senning. “We ended up creating guidelines.” According to him, it is okay to re-gift when following these three rules:

1. No re-gifting anything handmade, monogrammed, or personalized. “If Grandma knits that sweater for you, don’t give it away,” advises Mr. Senning.

2. If you repurpose a gift, it must be something you genuinely believe the receiver will enjoy—not just something you’re trying to unload.

3. The original giver should not find out that you re-gifted her gift, but if she does, make sure you have a kind and reasonable explanation. Mr. Senning suggests explaining that you received three soda streams, and you knew that so-and-so really wanted one, so you decided to spread the wealth.

Ms. Napier-Fitzpatrick adds that if you are re-gifting, you should always re-wrap the gift with new paper, a fresh bow, and a handwritten note.

Busted. But you still look lovely in your Annabel.

2. Navigating the office holiday party.

When it comes to drinking:

A party is a party, and you should feel free to genuinely enjoy yourself. That said, you don’t want to be the co-worker who ends the night by throwing up in the poinsettias. Pace yourself, and allow others to do the same. “As fun as it may seem on Mad Men,” says Mr. Senning, “you’re never expected to drink or provide an explanation for why you don’t.” If you notice a colleague is drinking seltzer instead of a whiskey sour, there’s probably a reason–but it isn’t your job to uncover it.

When it comes to conversation:

“Keep your conversation positive and light,” said Ms. Napier-Fitzpatrick. “If you are at a social business event, you don’t want to gravitate to a small group of colleagues to talk shop, nor do you want to [assume that you can treat your colleagues as you would your close friends].” Steer clear of religion and politics, unless you know your fellow conversationalists extremely well.

When it comes to attire:

You may be socializing, but you’re still “at work.” Opt for a day-to-night look that you can dress up with festive accessories. Avoid overly kitschy or themed wardrobe statements, unless the party explicitly calls for them. “Don’t make choices you wouldn’t feel comfortable with after the new year,” said Mr. Senning.

When in doubt, wear the Blair in black.

3. Managing invitations without overcommitting.

If you get an invite and know you can’t make it, let the host know relatively quickly. Failing to RSVP is not the same as declining—it just means you’re inconsiderate. “The biggest mistake is putting off your decline,” said Mr. Senning. “People don’t know how to say ‘no,’ so they end up as a question mark on the guest list.”

That said, you don’t have to offer an elaborate explanation for why you won’t be there. It’s a busy time of year; people will understand if you can’t make every party.

4. Gracefully accepting presents you hate.

Regardless of how unappealing a gift may be, it’s important to express your appreciation. If you can’t say anything nice about the gift itself, you can always thank the giver for the sentiment.

“You can say ‘thank you so much for thinking of me’ and say nothing about the thing itself,” said Mr. Senning.

“This is the time of the year to think of others, rather than ourselves,” said Ms. Napier-Fitzpatrick. “It is a festive time of year, but it can also be a sensitive time. [No matter what it is], you should receive any gift with a gracious ‘thank you.’”

Any other holiday etiquette rules to live by? Tweet us @mmlafleur to let us know.