Ideally, if you’re starting a new job, your HR department will facilitate an orientation that allows you to meet with different people at your company. At M.M., the new-hire orientation includes meet-and-greets with members of various departments, as well as the executive team, so you can quickly put faces and job descriptions to names. There’s also a new-hire buddy system, where new employees are paired with exceptionally friendly colleagues who can show them the ropes. “I can imagine how hard it would be to start at a new company and not have any of those casual interactions with people that you get by walking around the office and running into people or overhearing people talk around you,” says Hanna, M.M.’s Senior People Operations Manager. “The new-hire buddy system gives new hires more of that one-on-one interaction that you might get from popping out to grab coffee.” 

If your company doesn’t offer a thorough orientation or a buddy system, you can take the initiative to ask your manager to recommend people at your company that you should get to know, and reach out to them on your own (it might feel weird at first, but you’ll get used to it). “It’s not as awkward as it sounds,” says Layla, a public relations manager. “When I started my new job last November, 1:1 virtual coffees were the only way I really got to know people.”

The same can be said for folks who have been at their current job for a while, but want to connect with teammates they don’t have a prior relationship with. To those people, it might as well be your first day, so there’s no harm in reaching out. Plus, your budding relationship might be beneficial to them, too. 

You might be surprised to learn that M.M.’s team consists of a lot of introverts, which can be a little challenging for Hanna when she’s trying to come up with icebreakers and team-building activities. But there are so many other ways coworkers can get to know each other. “I encourage new employees to jump on Slack and join any of the affiliate channels we have, like M.M.LaFur (a channel devoted to pets), the recipe channel, or the makeup channel, just to get used to chatting and being silly with their colleagues,” says Hanna. The great thing about something like a general interest Slack channel is that it allows people to socialize on their own terms, as opposed to mandatory (and usually very awkward) formal social events.

Like with any good habit, when we prioritize incorporating socializing into our workday, we are building muscle, so it becomes easier the more often we do it. “I think it’s important to stay on top of socializing when you are working remotely,” says Hanna. “Otherwise, you might find yourself suddenly feeling super isolated and really drained from work.”  

This suggestion doesn’t mean you have to set up a coffee date with a different colleague every week. Creating a social habit can be as simple as utilizing a few minutes at the top of a meeting to have an easy go-around. “At my new gig, we start every meeting with a circle question, like ‘do you prefer coffee or tea?’ Or, ‘what’s your favorite hair metal band?’ We even did this during the interview process,” says Stella, a nonprofit coordinator. “I really like it, because it only takes a few minutes, it’s not as cheesy as other bonding activities, and it starts meetings off in a light-hearted way.” Stella explains that because the circle question is a habit and everyone participates, no one feels put on the spot. 

Hanna loves this approach. “Find little opportunities for icebreakers that are short and not too intense—where you can push yourself a little bit, but not to the extent that anyone’s uncomfortable or crossing any boundaries.”

Speaking of boundaries, working from home has without a doubt created a fogginess for all of us. Is it appropriate to ask a colleague about something going on in the background of their call? Can you take Zoom calls from bed? And what about social media? If you really want to get to know your colleagues, what’s easier than Instagram? 

“Once you feel comfortable with your coworkers, I think there’s definitely a tendency to accidentally overshare, especially if you’re doing it on Slack and don’t have face-to-face interactions,” says Hannah. “So if that’s a boundary that you want to make sure you’re not crossing, you need to be extra aware of it.”

As far as social media is concerned, Hanna thinks it’s always a good idea to err on the side of caution, but understands the impulse to follow your colleagues (especially if they’ve followed you first). And if you do end up socializing with coworkers over Instagram, for the most part, whatever happens there needs to stay there. “When you are following your coworkers on social media, you have to put your own boundaries in place,” says Hanna. “If you see something on Instagram or Facebook about a colleague, you can’t bring that up in the workplace (with very few, exceptions).”

Ultimately, instead of relying on activities outside of work to spark conversation, it’s wiser and more constructive to create a memorable social interaction during company time. This might mean getting out of your comfort zone, embracing a little silliness, and pretending to be an extrovert, but in the end, it will be worth it. “Last year, my entire team played a game of Dungeons and Dragons over Zoom,” says Tara, a software engineer. “We talked about it for months afterward.”